http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ en-us bumblebeesh@gmail.com 2008-08-04T14:51:50-08:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_08.php ... Not to discuss what to buy your mother for her birthday in front of Jennifer Boy: I know where there's a necklace she liked. Boy's brother: She mentioned she needed new hubcaps. Boy: Hubcaps?! I don't know if hubcaps say "happy birthday". Me: I know! HUBCAP NECKLACE! (silence) Me: Mama needs some bling! 7115@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-08-04T14:51:50-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Bag boy: (Winking) Hey baby! What you doin' tonight? Me: HA HA HA! Bag boy: What? I'm 17! It's legal! 7114@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Big Dumb Boys 2008-07-31T11:42:30-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Tonight, I got together with the gang from my previous job at Big Bootie Ho... Because, much like me, they are all also very, very bored in their very quiet workplaces, with very boring co-workers who do not amuse us with their white-boy krumping. To which I say, BOO! 5 reasons why I miss these people "Note to self: Invent 'foon'." (The opposite of a spork.) "Other note to self: Start wearing pants really, really high." Discovery that air quotes make everything dirty. Case in point: "You can help me 'download' to my 'laptop'." Ask large group of tall people at nearby table: "Are you all related? No? ... On a basketball team? No? ... In a really tall band? No? ... Dutch? No? ... Ich bin ein soccer players?!" "What's up with the glasses, Yoko Ono?" (Note: Apparently, I look like MOTHERFUCKING YOKO ONO in my fake purple glasses.) 7113@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-30T21:42:06-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php I would like Doritos! Except, I am too lazy to go out and buy some because I do not own a car, and I am too impatient to wait for buses, so I already walked my face off today, and do you know that I walked right by the store and I didn't buy any Doritos?! WTF? I guess I will have to settle for what I have in the house... Which is Baked Wheat Thins, and they're not even nacho cheese and now I will die of nacho-cheese-deficiency, and then Nabisco will feel really, really bad. 7112@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-25T18:25:16-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php It is safe to pour beer on a car fire... Albeit FRIGHTENING. Jumping out from behind the shower curtain and screaming "raaaaawr!" is apparently only funny in hindsight. In presentsight, it only pisses people off. Boys don't own hairdryers. Also, their soap smells like "the Irish countryside" and their toothpaste probably has stripes. Pack accordingly. I think I am soooo smart, don't I? William Shatner is Canadian. 7111@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Life Lessons 2008-07-24T12:28:22-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Guess what!?! I have an ear infection! ... Just like babies. And guess what else? I can barely hear! ... Just like old people. 7109@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-23T11:21:41-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Him: ... What is this? Me: Hey man, I'm just keepin' it real. Him: You don't actually like this, do you? Me: Well. Not exactly. But how else am I supposed to practice my fire knife dancing? ... And my lei making... And my pig roasting... And my grass-skirt wearing... And my pineapple growing. 7108@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Life Lessons 2008-07-23T08:57:48-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Last night, I successfully convinced a boy to go with me to see Mamma Mia, because I could not imagine a better way to spend 108 minutes, than to watch Pierce Brosnan sing and dance. Plus! REVENGE! He totally has it coming... Because I did not even tell you about the golf. And not even the mini kind. REGULAR golf. And there was WATCHING OF THE NASCAR. Accompanied by commentary explaining it to me... Because, apparently it's not just driving around in a circle. (Yes it is!) But then I realized who I'm revenge-ing with. 7107@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Big Dumb Boys 2008-07-22T10:02:25-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Me: (Watching Wimbledon 2008 on TiVo) :blink: Him: Whoa! Did you see that? Me: What? You mean where the one guy hit the ball, and then the other guy hit the ball, and the guy didn't hit the ball? Yeah. I saw that. Woohoo. Him: (Sigh) Can I get you something from the kitchen? Me: A large spoon to gouge out my eyeball? Him: Ha ha! How about a coke? Me: How about Draino? 7104@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-15T20:55:15-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php What would you do with a boy who, on the first date, called you "lovely" and presented you with these? 7102@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Big Dumb Boys 2008-07-12T20:15:24-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php It's shocking how much time I spent this morning trying to look like I just threw this on! ... Tomorrow it's my plan to roll out of bed, and then spend an hour trying to make my hair look like I just rolled out of bed. 7100@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-10T11:46:27-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Me: Damn it... They moved the Salon of Shame to the I-district! ... I can't just walk home drunk tonight. Me: I'm going to be the "drunk girl" on the bus now! Me: But I am NOT peeing on myself just to fit in. Twelve: Heheheh, you KNOW you will if everyone's doing it ;) Me: Well... OK. I don't want to be all uppity. 7098@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-08T13:54:54-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php I've gone 36 years without anyone ever requesting that I shake, don't break it, because it took my mama 9 months to make it. FINALLY! The drought is over! PS. If you would like to end your drought, walk around outside my apartment building and gimme a holler. I'll put an end to that. 7096@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Being Jennifer 2008-07-03T17:57:04-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_07.php Who's bright idea was it to bring me out to some cabin in the middle of the Puget Sound, where I have to make my own fire?!? Now, I'm going to die! Oh yeah, it was my idea, because I had to get away from the "noise" and the "everything smelling like pee" thing. Well, guess what!? Birds make noise! All day long, it's just CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP! And I'm sure the horses in the backyard pee all over. Poor me. On holiday, in my little cabin on Vashon Island, with the fireplace, and the hot tub, and the boy coming over to cook (and hopefully light fires). :hubbahubba: 7095@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ Wanderlust 2008-07-01T08:38:44-08:00 http://www.liscious.net/piehole/archives/2008_06.php 7094@http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ How to raise a smartass 2008-06-26T10:05:29-08:00