http://www.liscious.net/piehole/ en Copyright 2010 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:56:35 -0800 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: I am so going to kick your ass. Me: You can't kick my ass. I'm a ninja! My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: Ninjas have grace and agility. YOU ARE NOT A NINJA. Me: What are you talking about? I have cat like reflexes! My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: DEAD cat reflexes.]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2010/03/all_my_phone_calls_end_in_thre.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2010/03/all_my_phone_calls_end_in_thre.html The Riff-Raff Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:56:35 -0800 Me: Aww! Look at the Brownies! Turdface: (Horrified) ... Mom! That's racist! They're called African Americans! 3 Other Things That Are Racist, According to Turdface

1. Naming coconut cookies "Samoas".
2. Tea baggers.
3. Lucky Charms.

]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2010/03/culturally_oversensitive_teen.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2010/03/culturally_oversensitive_teen.html How to raise a smartass Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:49:36 -0800 Haw Flakes".]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/whats_a_bitch_gotta_do_for_som.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/whats_a_bitch_gotta_do_for_som.html Being Jennifer Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:50:20 -0800 This coffee tastes like pencil... I don't even eat pencils, and I know that this coffee tastes like pencil. It is PENCIL-ICIOUS. http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/no_2_not_that_no_2_you_boobs.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/no_2_not_that_no_2_you_boobs.html Being Jennifer Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:34:42 -0800

I donated more than half of my handbag collection to Northwest Center, and I still have too many handbags!

I have to buy a new pair of shoes for the rainy weather, because all my shoes have leather wrapped heels. Ugh!

Someone keeps adjusting my ergonomic chair, and then I have to spend whole minutes changing it back so I don't hurt my poor wittle neck!

Sephora is always out of my shade of foundation. Apparently everyone in Seattle is medium-jaundice-yellow. Sheesh!

The instant hot water tap at my office is broken, so now I have to wait two minutes for hot water! How will I go on!?! Now go on... Share your cry-baby wah-wah problems in the comments. I feel your pain.]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/jennifers_first_world_problems.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/jennifers_first_world_problems.html Being Jennifer Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:23:47 -0800 regular pneumonia. That's for lazy bastards! I want to still do everything, like go to work, and run errands, and stand upright... except I would like to do those things with a frightening weeze. WAH! ... Now if you all would baby me, and bring me some pie... ]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/postnasal_thanksgiving.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/12/postnasal_thanksgiving.html Being Jennifer Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:11:25 -0800 Nothing says "I work in Belltown" like crazy old hobos yelling at me through my office window because he can't pee in the streets, but OH HELL YOU THINK HE WON'T STILL PEE IN THE STREETS?! He will! And in front of my office window.YOU CAN'T KEEP CRAZY OLD HOBO MAN DOWN! HE DESERVES RESPECT! Ah! I am filled with RESPECT ... No, wait. I don't think that feeling is actually respect. I think that feeling is "yearning for hedge clippers". http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/fun_times_had_today_1.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/fun_times_had_today_1.html Why I Love Seattle Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:53:38 -0800 In the last couple of months I've put on about 7 WHOLE POUNDS! Enough to put me in my fat pants, or maybe just MUFFIN TOP THE SHIT out my regular pants... Which is so weird, considering my current diet of hot dogs, Halloween candy, and hours and hours of Parking Wars on DVR. (Mmm... Parking Wars.) Can't imagine what I'm doing wrong. http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/i_like_to_call_it_my_skittlest.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/i_like_to_call_it_my_skittlest.html Being Jennifer Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:21:58 -0800 Me: OH MY GOD! I'm never going outside without long johns on ever again! In my whole life! Unfortunate Friend of Me: We can walk to the next bus stop and warm up. Me: No! Walking creates wind! And wind is cold! Unfortunate Friend of Me: Oh brother... Me: Stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate on not freezing to death.]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/would_you_like_some_cheese_wit.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/would_you_like_some_cheese_wit.html Being Jennifer Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:41:02 -0800 Snore! Everything is boring when you're not spending all your money! Well, what do I have to write about now... Except for my slow deterioration and my new-found fascination with cutting my hair shorter and shorter. (I'm totally not even kidding... I'M NEARLY BALD* ... But, according to every homosexual source - ADORABLE! And homosexual sources are the only ones that count when you're talking about my hair and/or accessories.) * Pictures to follow! ]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/jennifer_pushes_40.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/11/jennifer_pushes_40.html Being Jennifer Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:13:01 -0800 I don't have any idea what is going on in the world! I mean, unless the whole world is being told what not to wear, and crimes everywhere are being solved in 60 minutes.]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/08/save_me.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/08/save_me.html Being Jennifer Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:54:15 -0800 "VEGAN HEMP SOFT SERVE" Well... If that doesn't have "barf" written all over it, I don't know what does. Other things that have barf written all over them

1. Vegan barf soft serve
2. Barf hemp soft serve
3. Barf

]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/08/blarrrrrrrrgh.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/08/blarrrrrrrrgh.html What the pork? Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:37:23 -0800 I stayed in Seattle and spent almost nothing! Which was probably exacerbated by the fact that for a full 36 hour period, I didn't even leave my apartment... With more practice, I'm hoping to cultivate this skill to the point that I am able to make my lifelong dream of being a weird, cat-collecting, recluse a reality! (High five!) Also during Staycation 2009 - I discovered I am whiter than white people! ... Well, more jaundice-y yellow than white. And then I discovered sunless tanner, and now I'm more orange than white people. Actually, I'm more orange than all people. Which makes me prettier than all people! Or maybe just orange.]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/staycation_2009_1.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/staycation_2009_1.html Being Jennifer Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:18:34 -0800 go about pooping outside (OUTSIDE!) of the toilet? And if you are going to poop outside of the toilet, why wouldn't you watch where you were stepping?! And most confusingly... Why do the poop-prints lead to the sink? You washed your hands? Really? You poop outside of toilets, but you wash your hands afterward? Amazing!]]> http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/people_are_gross_or_why_its_so.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/people_are_gross_or_why_its_so.html Hulk Smash! Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:52:29 -0800 A weekend without getting hugged by a hobo is a weekend of not being Jennifer. http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/observation_1.html http://www.liscious.net/piehole/2009/07/observation_1.html Life Lessons Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:13:13 -0800