today i discovered that i am the office's token hawaiian... and it appears after my small interjections today at the big hoopla, that it is to both my and the office's benefit.

thusly, i have decided that i am going to roll with this whole "ethnic" thing. this is how:

• i'm going to start wearing a coconut bra under all my clothing.
• i will say "alooooo-ha!" instead of "good morning".
  
• i'll play don ho music intermittently throughout the day.
  
• i will start speaking hawaiian - and since i really can't speak hawaiian, i'm going to just pretend by saying names of streets and/or places (for example: "honolulu kalanianaole anaehoomalu waikiki")... like, who's gonna know?.
  
• i will insist everyone call me "leilani, lord of the dance"

i have finally found a source for tonkatsu sauce, and lumpia wrappers, and chinese milk candies, and aloha shoyu, in white-y seattle!

ah. life is good... at least when full of salt and msg.

true or false:

• jennifer is korean. false!
  
• jennifer is samoan. false!
• jennifer is filipino. true!
• jennifer is japanese. false!
• jennifer is dutch. false!
• jennifer is a good little german girl. true! except for the good part.
• jennifer is chinese. false!

---

in theory i could post a picture of me so you all could enjoy the game, but you people scare me. freaks!

anyway! last night i realized that it is impossible for me to have a conversation that does not involve sex.

so, as in keeping with that fact. SEX. SEX. SEX.

well, who am i to argue? ok, mr. militant black man! i am good in bed.

'sup with that?

also, did you know that when you wear black pants in the blazing hot sun, all the suns rays will concentrate on your ass?

fuck! my ass is freaking hot! ... hah!

previous 'sups: 1

i guess i fall below the required 26 percentage. and besides, i'm filipino, and everybody knows thats not really asian.

aside from the fact that the phillipines philippines * is in asia... but, not really.

* or maybe i'm not-really asian because i can't spell the country my mother comes from... gee thanks shucky.

They're all like one big Star Search. Except everybody's Filipino. And everybody wins! And everybody dances like Michael Jackson!

Ahh. My people... I'm getting all misty eyed.

Just give me some balut and a chicken fight, and I'm one happy really, really pale and white looking Filipino girl.

PS. Do not give me balut or I will throw up all over you. And do not take me to a chicken fight or I will freak the hell out.

And it is driving me CRAZY! Gah!

The only position it's comfortable in is when I curl it into a little foot fetal position, and twist it inward.

Ahh... Foot-binding!

Anyway... BLOG.LISCIOUS! is recruiting! Yay!

Yeah, I know my lineage says I'm supposed to be brown or something but I'm so not. I'm pasty. Pasty, pasty, pasty.

No really! You should check out my ass! It's a testiment to my pasty... If it wasn't for my nose I'd swear I was half milkman.

Anyway, this fake tan looks fabulous! A little orange, but hey - I'm yellow based! It blends! Yay!

Sheesh! When babies are the color of me they put them under special lamps.

Wait. Maybe I'm not yellow and Geriatric Mark is just really really pink. Yes... We'll go with that one.

PS. There is a new contest at Caption This. Whee!

I have just been informed that my mother has just purchased a gold Lexus LS.

First, she dresses like she's color blind. Then she buys 800 pairs of shoes. Plus she has so many pieces of jewelry she looks like Mr. T blew up on her. And now a LEXUS?

How much more Filipino can she get?

It has come to my attention that it is hard to be me, because me is interracial... Indeed, I say. Indeed.

For example:

• As a child, I had to eat food from different countries!
• I had to learn the native dance of my peoples AND the robot AND cabbage patch AND the running man.
• I have frizzy hair!

So, as you can see, I have had a very difficult upbringing because my parents were born in different countries. Pity me.

They're much more likely to ask me what I "am", and when I answer, "Oh, about 40% Hawaiian, 25% Filipino, and the rest is miscellaneous White", they look confused and say "How do you do that?"

How do I do what? Math? Or interracial fornication?

In Hawaii, I'm white. In New Zealand, I'm black. In Seattle, I'm everything from Korean to Native American... I wish you all would pick an ethnicity. I'm getting confused.

And yesterday, some guy at the bus stop asked me what tribe I'm from, and I said "I'm not. I'm Hawaiian." And then he said "Aloooooooha!" and my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head.

But then he started singing "Island Girl" to me, and I went "tee hee!" And then he told me I was beautiful, and I went, "Sure, he's a little drunk, but is he ever observant!"

When I was growing up there was a big wooden fork and spoon on the wall of our dining room. Because, you know, all the rattan furniture and the Oldsmobile Cutless Supreme in the driveway wasn't already a FLASHING NEON SIGN that hello! There are Filipinos in here!

This entry was brought to you by a comment from BexGirl! Thank you for the memories, Bex!

Things I can't buy without hearing, "YOU'RE Asian?!?"* (Yes! Yes! I am Asian, you nincompoop! Don't be fooled by the round eye.)

1. Sakura arare
2. Iso peanuts
3. Senbei
4. Furikake
5. Yan Yan

"Dude, I'm Filipino. We don't grow body hair... I'm lucky I have eyebrows."

I recently came upon a picture of my mother's graduation from the Police Academy, that completely explains why everyone thought I was either a) from my mother's (non-existant) previous marriage to a white man, or b) the milkman's bastard child.

Can I look any less like the whole left side of the picture? ... And an AMBER picture at that! Because it's the 70's, and you must have at least one.

Also, you must have a picture of your father wearing a dashiki.

And if you are Hawaiian, you must be wearing a lei. Especially if you're passably white. You know, so people can tell! Lei = Hawaiian!

But maybe you can't take the Hawaii out of the girl.

• An entire portion of my brain is reserved exclusively for maintaining a list of people from Hawaii (Bette Midler! The guy who plays the Chairman in Iron Chef America!), people who were born in Hawaii (Barack Obama! Nicole Kidman!), people who are part-Hawaiian (Lou Diamond Phillips! Tia Carrere!) or part-Filipino (Phoebe Cates! Rob Schneider!) ... And I can't stop it.

• All my comfort foods include rice, or Spam, or rice AND Spam.

• I avoid all conversations involving the following because I cannot, with a straight face, refer to them as "flip flops" and "ramen":