tag:www.liscious.net,2010:/piehole//17 2010-03-05T20:56:56Z Movable Type 3.33 tag:www.liscious.net,2010:/piehole//17.9665 2010-03-05T20:56:35Z 2010-03-05T20:56:56Z

My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: I am so going to kick your ass. Me: You can't kick my ass. I'm a ninja! My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: Ninjas have grace and agility. YOU ARE NOT A NINJA. Me: What are you talking...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: I am so going to kick your ass. Me: You can't kick my ass. I'm a ninja! My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: Ninjas have grace and agility. YOU ARE NOT A NINJA. Me: What are you talking about? I have cat like reflexes! My Pretend Arizona Boyfriend: DEAD cat reflexes.]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2010:/piehole//17.9663 2010-03-03T16:49:36Z 2010-03-03T17:09:20Z

Me: Aww! Look at the Brownies! Turdface: (Horrified) ... Mom! That's racist! They're called African Americans! 3 Other Things That Are Racist, According to Turdface Naming coconut cookies "Samoas". Tea baggers. Lucky Charms....

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole Me: Aww! Look at the Brownies! Turdface: (Horrified) ... Mom! That's racist! They're called African Americans! 3 Other Things That Are Racist, According to Turdface

1. Naming coconut cookies "Samoas".
2. Tea baggers.
3. Lucky Charms.

]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9642 2009-12-15T23:50:20Z 2010-01-18T20:08:14Z

Seriously. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE STEAMED RICE CAKES, SEATTLE? There are 20,000 Chinese here! WHY NO RICE CAKES?! WHERE ARE THEY?! WHERE?!? Is there some secret underground steamed rice cake speakeasy I don't know about? Has someone stolen all...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole Haw Flakes".]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9636 2009-12-07T21:34:42Z 2009-12-28T04:37:33Z

This coffee tastes like pencil... I don't even eat pencils, and I know that this coffee tastes like pencil. It is PENCIL-ICIOUS....

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole This coffee tastes like pencil... I don't even eat pencils, and I know that this coffee tastes like pencil. It is PENCIL-ICIOUS. tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9635 2009-12-03T18:23:47Z 2009-12-28T04:37:33Z

I donated more than half of my handbag collection to Northwest Center, and I still have too many handbags! I have to buy a new pair of shoes for the rainy weather, because all my shoes have leather wrapped...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole

I donated more than half of my handbag collection to Northwest Center, and I still have too many handbags!

I have to buy a new pair of shoes for the rainy weather, because all my shoes have leather wrapped heels. Ugh!

Someone keeps adjusting my ergonomic chair, and then I have to spend whole minutes changing it back so I don't hurt my poor wittle neck!

Sephora is always out of my shade of foundation. Apparently everyone in Seattle is medium-jaundice-yellow. Sheesh!

The instant hot water tap at my office is broken, so now I have to wait two minutes for hot water! How will I go on!?! Now go on... Share your cry-baby wah-wah problems in the comments. I feel your pain.]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9633 2009-12-02T17:11:25Z 2009-12-28T04:37:33Z

I don't know what the hell is going on with me. Five long years of never (hardly ever) getting sick, to a series of colds, and a weeks-long stint of "walking pneumonia". Which, by the way, is like regular pneumonia,...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole regular pneumonia. That's for lazy bastards! I want to still do everything, like go to work, and run errands, and stand upright... except I would like to do those things with a frightening weeze. WAH! ... Now if you all would baby me, and bring me some pie... ]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9631 2009-11-24T19:53:38Z 2009-12-16T02:50:08Z

Nothing says "I work in Belltown" like crazy old hobos yelling at me through my office window because he can't pee in the streets, but OH HELL YOU THINK HE WON'T STILL PEE IN THE STREETS?! He will! And in...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole Nothing says "I work in Belltown" like crazy old hobos yelling at me through my office window because he can't pee in the streets, but OH HELL YOU THINK HE WON'T STILL PEE IN THE STREETS?! He will! And in front of my office window.YOU CAN'T KEEP CRAZY OLD HOBO MAN DOWN! HE DESERVES RESPECT! Ah! I am filled with RESPECT ... No, wait. I don't think that feeling is actually respect. I think that feeling is "yearning for hedge clippers". tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9627 2009-11-16T20:21:58Z 2009-12-01T20:11:38Z

In the last couple of months I've put on about 7 WHOLE POUNDS! Enough to put me in my fat pants, or maybe just MUFFIN TOP THE SHIT out my regular pants... Which is so weird, considering my current diet...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole In the last couple of months I've put on about 7 WHOLE POUNDS! Enough to put me in my fat pants, or maybe just MUFFIN TOP THE SHIT out my regular pants... Which is so weird, considering my current diet of hot dogs, Halloween candy, and hours and hours of Parking Wars on DVR. (Mmm... Parking Wars.) Can't imagine what I'm doing wrong. tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9625 2009-11-11T17:41:02Z 2009-12-01T20:11:38Z

Me: OH MY GOD! I'm never going outside without long johns on ever again! In my whole life! Unfortunate Friend of Me: We can walk to the next bus stop and warm up. Me: No! Walking creates wind! And wind...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole Me: OH MY GOD! I'm never going outside without long johns on ever again! In my whole life! Unfortunate Friend of Me: We can walk to the next bus stop and warm up. Me: No! Walking creates wind! And wind is cold! Unfortunate Friend of Me: Oh brother... Me: Stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate on not freezing to death.]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9623 2009-11-09T18:13:01Z 2009-11-24T22:53:48Z

So, what's it like being middle aged, you ask? ... Let's take a look at my schedule and see, why don't we? Wake up, drink coffee MADE BY ME IN MY OWN HOUSE, go to work WITH LUNCH PACKED BY...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole Snore! Everything is boring when you're not spending all your money! Well, what do I have to write about now... Except for my slow deterioration and my new-found fascination with cutting my hair shorter and shorter. (I'm totally not even kidding... I'M NEARLY BALD* ... But, according to every homosexual source - ADORABLE! And homosexual sources are the only ones that count when you're talking about my hair and/or accessories.) * Pictures to follow! ]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9597 2009-08-10T16:54:15Z 2009-11-09T20:55:42Z

Now that I have a DVR and a real grown-up cable subscription, I don't have any idea what is going on in the world! I mean, unless the whole world is being told what not to wear, and crimes everywhere...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole I don't have any idea what is going on in the world! I mean, unless the whole world is being told what not to wear, and crimes everywhere are being solved in 60 minutes.]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9594 2009-08-04T05:37:23Z 2009-11-09T20:55:42Z

Sandwich board seen this afternoon on the way home from work: "VEGAN HEMP SOFT SERVE" Well... If that doesn't have "barf" written all over it, I don't know what does. Other things that have barf written all over them Vegan...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole "VEGAN HEMP SOFT SERVE" Well... If that doesn't have "barf" written all over it, I don't know what does. Other things that have barf written all over them

1. Vegan barf soft serve
2. Barf hemp soft serve
3. Barf

]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9590 2009-07-28T20:18:34Z 2009-11-09T20:55:42Z

I took last week off of work because I needed a break from my difficult job of sitting around, being cute... And watching stuff on Hulu. (My job is hard!) And since I don't enjoy stimulating the economy (I hate...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole I stayed in Seattle and spent almost nothing! Which was probably exacerbated by the fact that for a full 36 hour period, I didn't even leave my apartment... With more practice, I'm hoping to cultivate this skill to the point that I am able to make my lifelong dream of being a weird, cat-collecting, recluse a reality! (High five!) Also during Staycation 2009 - I discovered I am whiter than white people! ... Well, more jaundice-y yellow than white. And then I discovered sunless tanner, and now I'm more orange than white people. Actually, I'm more orange than all people. Which makes me prettier than all people! Or maybe just orange.]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9585 2009-07-17T05:52:29Z 2009-08-04T08:37:07Z

I don't get it! How does one even go about pooping outside (OUTSIDE!) of the toilet? And if you are going to poop outside of the toilet, why wouldn't you watch where you were stepping?! And most confusingly... Why do...

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole go about pooping outside (OUTSIDE!) of the toilet? And if you are going to poop outside of the toilet, why wouldn't you watch where you were stepping?! And most confusingly... Why do the poop-prints lead to the sink? You washed your hands? Really? You poop outside of toilets, but you wash your hands afterward? Amazing!]]> tag:www.liscious.net,2009:/piehole//17.9581 2009-07-14T03:13:13Z 2009-07-27T19:52:30Z

A weekend without getting hugged by a hobo is a weekend of not being Jennifer....

Jennifer http://www.liscious.net/piehole A weekend without getting hugged by a hobo is a weekend of not being Jennifer.