1. my real life human name is jennifer.
2. my friends call me "jennifer", or "jen", or other variations of the name "jennifer".
3. my initials spell a racial slur.
4. i was born on november 7, 1971.
5. this makes me a scorpio.
6. this also makes me a big fat pig.
7. and it makes me 30. 32. Holy crap, I'm old!
8. i am currently divorcing divorced from dickhead (not his actual name).
9. i am the parent of a little boy who is so cute it hurts. because he looks like me.
10. i am so cute it hurts.
11. also, i am modest
12. i can eat an entire 12 oz. pan of tiramisu in one sitting.
13. my hips hate me.
14. i can't say "toy boat" 5 times fast without saying "toy boyt".
15. when i am intoxicated, i sometimes say "aks" instead of "ask".
16. my mother is AmerAsian. my father is GerScotHawaiian. This makes me an engGerIriHawScotAsian.
17. this perplexes many people.
18. i was born and raised on the big island of hawaii. [please insert pineapple-picking joke/don ho reference here. - ha ha. you're so funny.]
19. i currently reside in a trendy, spendy neighborhood in metropolitan seattle.
20. upon meeting me and discovering that i am from hawaii, people ask me if (a) i can dance the hula, (b) would i dance the hula, or (c) would i dance the hula naked on a table in a dimly lit room and let them lick poi off me... no, really! i'd like it, you know. he told me so.
21. according to kiersey, i am an estp.
22. frogs and toads scare the friggin' bejesus out of me.
23. when i laugh, i cry.
24. when i cry, i hide in the bathroom, just like a man.
25. on the rare occasion when i have sex, my neighbors turn their stereos up.
26. my bed squeaks like a mother fucker.
27. i own one dress (wedding).
28. i own 16 pairs of black shoes, all acquired over the past 9 months.
29. i have had the following things thrown into my cleavage: bottle caps, spare change, twigs, finger foods.
30. i have lots of beauty marks. which means that i am beautiful. or didn't you read #10?
31. i have furnished my entire apartment with little/no money.
32. this trait is called "resourceful", not "cheap".
33. man + turtleneck = rowr
34. i have sung karaoke on at least 3 different occasions.
35. i cannot dance the "macarena".
36. i cannot dance the "running man".
37. i am a college graduate.
38. i is also a collage dropuot.
39. if i won the lottery, i would travel the world in search of foreign boot-tay.
40. i also enjoy domestic boot-tay.
41. i can swear in spanish, filipino, portuguese, and english.
42. i swear (in english) a great deal.
43. i have taught my young child to swear a great deal.
44. i own the ugliest dish towel in the entire world.
45. if i am ever stupid enough to marry again, i will do it the right way... in vegas, with elvis presiding.
46. i can count all the men i've had sex with on 1 hand 2 hands... note to self: start whoring.
47. i can count all the men i've engaged in some sort of sexual contact with on 2 hands. and maybe, my foot. or feet... and maybe your feet too... note to self: stop whoring.
48. i have 1 little brother, whom, as a child, i taught to call me "boss".
49. i am currently teaching everyone to call me "boss".
50. i currently have a few people referring to me as "princess"... they do not mean it in a nice way.
51. i am scared of the strange man on the street who screams "you're beautiful!" at me, in a menacng tone.
52. i own a certain pair of black pants that renders men helpless against the urge to grab my ass.
53. i am scared of these men as well.
54. on the street, someone stopped me to tell me i was a "lovely lady"... yes. i am both lovely and old enough to call "lady".
55. i'm actually more of a broad.
56. i have a wrinkle... eek!
57. if i were a man for a day, i'd jump up and down naked to see if it felt just as funny as it looks.
58. i don't have a job, i have a career... whoop-dee-fucking-do.
59. celebrities i have met: walter cronkite, loretta lynn, sylvester stallone, lee haney, and two former members of menudo.
60. currently, my refrigerator contains a pint of skim milk, a box of chicken broth, a carrot, bottled water, half a lemon, and 2 kinds of mustard.
61. in the 80's i had big hair.
62. i also had a pair of parachute pants.
63. and a member's only jacket.
64. i am deeply saddened and embarrassed by those facts.
65. truth-or-dare is evil, i tell ya. e-vil.
66. i cannot stop watching "the iron chef" Gilmore Girls. Seriously, how come everybody in the whole world isn't watching it too? IT'S ADDICTING! Gah!
67. if i don't blow my hair dry, i will look like a big brown chia-headed girl.
68. i often daydream of sex.
69. heh.
70. i do not heed the warning on the "q-tips" box.
71. therefore, my ears are free of waxy build-up.
72. i recycle only at my leisure.
73. i am shorter than elton john, and taller than the fonz.
74. often, i am cleverly disguised as 5'11.
75. according to some people i am a royal pain in the ass... what. ever.
76. i think this may be the prettiest place on earth.
77. and this must be the cutest child on earth.
78. because he takes after his mother.
79. i carry condoms in my purse dresser... in case of emergency sex. I don't anticipate much EMERGENCY sex anymore.
80. i have been mooned once twice, but flashed thrice.
81. i am most commonly attracted to men who are pretty, but dumb as rocks tall, big boned, white boys... That are not dummys.
82. i have a cold.
83. i have developed a dislike of clowns. they. are. creepy.
84. i would make one lousy dominatrix.
85. i also make one lousy meatloaf.
86. i need to purchase clothes hangers immediately.
87. for some strange reason, i keep misplacing my pants.
88. i want a trampoline.
89. i also want a lifetime supply of beer.
90. i loves me some nutter butters.
91. i probably wear too much mascara.
92. lesson learned: at office parties, don't get drunk and call yourself the "shrimp pimp"... your co-workers will laugh at you.
93. my co-workers laugh at me.
94. because i'm funny, not because i embarrass myself.
95. no, honest!
96. i've been told i bear a striking resemblance to some girl named "jennifer" from "seattle".
97. my feet are wide.
98. my hair is brown.
99. my eyes are hazel (brown/green).
100. my skin is beige. And really white in some areas.
101. i am tired of typing.

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